Agoraphobia and My Career as a Theater Actor
I have always wanted to be a stage actor. My Aunt Helen influence is very strong as I would spend my weekends at her place. As a child, I was fascinated with the intensity of stage effects,hogan, actors wearing flamboyant costumes, scripts sceneries from a different era as well as the projection and manner of delivery.
My parents raised me in a traditional household. As immigrants, our parents had a difficult time making ends meet. My sister, Cecille and I were not allowed to have extra curricular activities in school. And since money was scarce, we did not have opportunities to hang out with other students in the usual soda shops and movies. Further, they were very careful that we would not violate any rules especially that we just migrated into the country. My aunt would bring me to rehearsal sessions and I would get very excited. However, what I expected would be a very enjoyable experience quickly turned into a horrible nightmare. I was a few days short of reaching my tenth birthday at the time.
As soon as I stepped into the third bus that would bring us to the big city, I began to break into a sweat and started to feel my heart pounding faster and louder. I gripped the edges of the bus seats and clutched the arm of my aunt. She told me the theater would be an hour travel. Halfway into the travel,HOGAN DONNA REBEL SNEAKER GIALLO, I started telling my aunt various reasons to go back to her place or to go home. I would tell her that I was feeling queasy in the stomach, that I was about to vomit and that I was feeling dizzy. She looked at me worriedly, and then she told me to close my eyes and try to sleep. She thought I was just motion-sick.
When we arrived at the theater, instead of being consumed by joy and excitement, I began to feel like running away from the big red back door. I did not feel safe. I feel as if that big red door would swallow me and that everything horribly imaginable would take me apart piece by piece. That was my first encounter with agoraphobia. At sixteen years old, my parents brought me to a psychiatrist and he diagnosed me with the disorder. I was devastated. He explained that the reason I would chicken out from giving stage performances in high school even when we made ample rehearsals. I would just freeze when I see a lot of people in front of me.
It would always be that way until I became a professional stage actor. How I did it? It was excruciating. I would be drained at the end of each 1 to 2-hour performance. I would dread everything and everyone. I would feel that at anytime,Hogan scarpe donna nuovo arrivo 2012 bianco Nero, something drastic and deadly might happen to me. It is as if someone in the audience is about to shoot me straight into my heart. When I am not in control of the outcomes of what I am doing, I feel that I am unsafe and this constantly triggers the panic attacks. There are a lot of danger zones for me ?places and persons that are unfamiliar, work that seems new, new cuisines, new patterns in work, new traffic routes ?these are common sources of danger zones. The attacks just come in when my system would sense that there is danger caused by anything out of the ordinary or out of my usual daily routine.
Going out of town certainly aggravates the condition and it worsens when I take flights. Everything has to be planned, I need to know what to expect and I had to always be in control. Any slight change in outcomes is more than enough to set off a panic attack.
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